I am so very sorry for the complete lack of posts last week and this week. I have been having a very hard time with my break up and I have been trying to stay out of the house to keep myself busy. I am currently weighing in at 207.2. I have had my ups and my downs and I am finally starting to get a clear head and I am going to start concentrating on my diet more. I have made so many excuses these past 2 weeks but fast food is no way to heal a broken heart. I promise myself and everyone else that I am going to get back on track and finally take charge of my life.

Metformin Extended Release

For all of you that are on metformin for your pcos you may remember the first month or so having many stomach issues. Sadly for me these issues never went away. SO My Dr. suggested metformin extended release and my body feels so much better. If you are still having these issues talk to your Dr. and see if you can get switched :-)

This has been a very stressful week but with all of the stress it gave me energy to work out. I weighed in today at 211 lbs :-) I am getting so close to my goals and in a few more weeks maybe I will be under 200. I am thinking of joining the gym but I am so afraid to go to one because I feel so out of place among all of the athletic people. I am happy doing what I am doing now and if it keeps working I will keep doing it :-) Thank you all for reading my blog, and if you know anyone struggling with weight send them here! I think it is amazing that I have readers all over the world, thank you all for your love and support :-)

                                          xoxo
                                            <3 Bethany

Sorry about the lack of posts this week, it has been a very hard week for me. My boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me, and I have been pretty down in the dumps. BUT this is honestly what I think I need to get my ass into shape. It is hard and I have been crying non stop but this is motivation for me to take better care of myself for the next chapter of my life. I am going to get back on track (there was no weight change since the last weigh in) and hopefully learn from this situation. 

Having some computer issues, I will do my update tomorrow morning

AHHHHHHHHHHHH

There is temptation all around me and the fights going on in my brain are driving me nuts. Why can't I think of food like a normal person? I constantly crave things that are horrible for me. I was fine for the first week or two of my diet, and it is just like ever other time I have tried something, after I short time I give up. I don't want to give up by any means, I just don't know what to do. All I want is to be happy with myself and my body and this war going on in my brain is not helping me at all. I know I only have a few of you that read my blog, but I would love any advice on cravings and addiction. I can admit I am a food addict so I guess that is the first step to recovery.

:-/

I am keeping this post short and sweet. I weighed in this morning at 212.2, a mere loss of 1.7 lbs. I am happy that I lost this week, but I did splurge quite a bit on my anniversary, so I know that I could have done better. I will update later in the week! Keep strong you guys

Shopping Sadness

My boyfriend and I will be together 6 years on October 14th. So to celebrate we are going out for a nice dinner and spending the whole day together. I decided since I am usually in jeans and a t-shirt that I would attempt to by some dress clothes for the occasion. Apparently 99% of stores do not carry dress pants for people in a size 18-20. It makes me so angry that most stores do not have a decent plus size selection, and when they do....well....the clothing looks a little something like this..

   

I am on a pretty limited budget so the higher end plus size stores don't usually work out well for me. It just makes me mad that stores must not think that there are bigger women who enjoy having nice looking things. I did end up finding 2 nice dress shirts, but no pants :-/  Yet another reason to make me realize how much of a stigma fat people have against them.  I am not going to let this get me down, I have an amazing weekend planned, and I am happy that I have been with someone so long who loves me for who I am.

First blog weigh-in!

Before I started my blog the heaviest I was, was around 222-225 and now that I am finally getting off my butt I am seeing small results and that makes me so happy. I weighed in first thing in the morning and I am down from 217 to 213.9 a loss of 3.1 lbs

I have been starting off the whole exercising thing slowly to get back into the swing of things. As of right now I am doing a lot of walking and stair push-ups and step-ups. Every week I am going to keep adding to my routine. I bought a biggest loser dvd that I am going to try tomorrow, and to be honest I am afraid! My best advice I can give is to set small goals if you overwhelm yourself with huge goals and fail you will just give up on yourself. I know it is probably going to take me a while to reach the weight that I want to be, but I am fine with that. I would rather lose 1 lb a week and know I am making changes that will work for the rest of my life than eat nothing but cottage cheese, lose 10 lbs a week, be miserable and gain it all back when I eat normal food. I am finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and I can't wait to get there :-)

 

I finally found pcos shirts!

I was so excited to see that there is a website that sells pcos related shirts, bumper stickers, sweatshirts etc! I have been on the hunt for one for a while and http://www.cafepress.com/+pcos+t-shirts has them :-) I am a happy girl. This site is pretty great I bought a few things from them in the past. Happy Shopping :-)  Ps: sometimes youtube has promo codes by the videos for 20% off :-D

Getting my pcos under control

I was diagnosed with pcos in 2009 and it has been a downhill battle ever since. Pcos (polycystic ovarian syndrome) is an endocrine disorder that causes infertility, miscarriage, weight gain, excess hair growth, acne, irregular periods or none at all, and if left untreated it is a leading cause of uterine cancer, not to mention a host of many other issues. Around 1 in 10 women suffer from this disorder but still half of the people I speak to have no idea what the hell I am talking about.
             I was so confused when I first got diagnosed as to how these little cysts and hormone issues could reek such havoc on my body. In the span of about 7 years I have gone from weighing 150 to now being 217 (at my heaviest 222) It has also put me in the hospital. Last year my boyfriend and I were watching chopped (my favorite show ever) and I felt the worst pain I have ever experienced. It felt like someone was taking my ovaries and putting them into a meat grinder. I was rushed to the er and hooked up to all of these contraptions and had 2 iv's. It turned out that I was not dying but one of my cysts had ruptured and I pray to God that that never happens to me again.
              I am 23 and the thought of having children is really starting to set it. It makes me sad knowing that I will 1. maybe not be able to have children 2. could not hold a viable pregnancy 3. that it may take years for me to get pregnant and 4. I may have to spend thousands of dollars in fertility treatments to even get pregnant. Babies are still a few years down the road but the one thing I have always wanted was to be a mother and the thought that I may not be able to get pregnant kills me. BUT I am starting to take charge of this damn condition and hopefully if I try hard enough what I am going through may get better.
                    Most of the time when you have pcos you are insulin resistant meaning in simple terms your body does not know how to handle the intake of carbs or sugar which turns it to fat. Women with insulin resistant pcos take metformin to help the body to use carbs and sugar correctly. Usually when you start metformin it helps take off a lot of the weight caused by the pcos. I have started taking metformin extended release 500 mg 2 times a day and I am already starting to lose weight. With the mix of my meds, exercise and a normal diet I am hoping I have found my dream team to finally get this weight off for good!  Sorry for my ramble I just have a lot to say tonight! I hope you are all doing well with your battles and that this will be your year to kick some butt too! Goodnight <3

Java monster shall forever be the death of me!

So I am 1 day into my diet and I think I am losing my ever loving mind! Food wise I am doing quite well, but I can't get past the cravings for sugary drinks. As everyone in my life knows I have an awful addiction to mean bean java monster energy drinks. (It is the one thing that helps me deal with customers at work) The problem is there is far too much sugar and I am trying to cut sugar slowly out of my diet. I have tried switching to coffee and using splenda but all artificial sugars make my belly hurt. I have heard it takes 21 days to break a habit and I sure hope those 21 days come and go quickly! 

Breakfast- 3/4 cup of fiber plus Caramel Pecan crunch cereal with 1/2 cup almond milk (BEST CEREAL EVER) and 1 red delicious apple

Lunch- Lean Cuisine roasted garlic chicken pizza

Snack- Baby carrots (lost track of how many)


Dinner- 1/2 cup whole grain pasta with tomato spinach and chicken in a garlic white wine sauce


I know that boxed meals are not the best thing for me diet wise but i am trying to find ways to deal with portion control. I am hoping to meet with a dietitian sometime soon to see what diet will work best for me.
 
 

Starting my journey

Today I have finally seen what I have become, and now it is time for me to do something about it. I went to the Doctors yesterday and I weighed in at 217 lbs. When I checked the bmi calculator in the office I am just a few lbs away from being considered morbidly obese. I am 23 I want to have a family, but at the weight I am at right now and with the pcos that can not happen until I take better care of myself. For years I was always ashamed of my body and looking back weighing 150 lbs was nothing to be ashamed of.

           Once I got my license I went and tried to comfort myself with fast food which was the biggest mistake of my life. All throughout High School I was tormented for being the "fat girl" and after a while you start to believe all of the garbage people say about you, and instead of talking to someone and getting help I turned to fast food, and all it did was turn on me. I guess in a way fast food was my best friend. It did not judge me, it did not care what I looked like, it was just that one thing to cheer me up when I was down. I don't even want to know what I have spent at McDonalds and Wendys over the past 6 or 7 years :-(

           And though it all I have a wonderful boyfriend who has in my mind put up with me and my weight since we were 16 years old. In 6 years you should be comfortable enough with someone for them to know every aspect of who you are, and I am still holding who I am inside. He would love to see me in dresses and other things most 23 year old women wear, but my daily wardrobe is usually jeans and a t-shirt, even in the summer. I just can't get past being fat and having my jiggly arms show in a dress or tank top, hell I can't even remember the last time I wore a pair of shorts.

          Now it is time for me to take control I know it is going to be a long and hard process but I have finally hit rock bottom with my life and I know I can make a change! I am praying that by Christmas I will be down at least 20 lbs. I am going to update a few days a week and do weigh-ins on Sunday's. I hope whomever sees this blog will join me in my journey to lose weight and the discovering of who I can truly be. (First weigh in will be Sunday October 9th) Pictures will start on the next weigh in!